


talk to me

by punktaekai (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Kim Jongin | Kai, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, First Kiss, M/M, Past Jennie Kim/Kim Jongin | Kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/punktaekai
Summary: "What the fuck did I do wrong?" Jongin forces himself to look Taemin in the eyes, tears welling in his eyes. "Just out of nowhere, you shove me out your life, lock me out, you won't tell me anything, you don't want anything to do with me. You don't come near me on joint stages, you act like I don't exist when you pass me in SM. You never text, you don't call, you just... What the fuck did I do for you to hate me so much? Just tell me, let me make it right, please, don't just... don't just shove me out.Talkto me, I'm begging you, Tae."--Taemin's been ignoring Jongin for weeks and he's so tired of it. Sake makes him brave enough to ask after Tokyo's SMTown.





	talk to me

**Author's Note:**

> unbetaed and unedited it's one am oops

Jongin sees how Taemin completely ignores him as he walks by. A knife cuts in his stomach but he holds his head high, lips curling as he passes him. No arms encircle him, no dainty hands grab Jongin's wrist and he balls his hands into fists. He keeps walking, walking to his group to have some fun on stage, to try and ignore this dumb feud that Taemin had started. 

Taemin had been ignoring him for weeks now, barely responding to texts, never answering calls, just nothing; he'd gone almost completely radio silent and it was starting to piss Jongin off. He'd cried at first, convinced he'd done something wrong, but now he was sure it was just Taemin being rude, cutting their friendship off, or something of the sort - Jongin was hell-bent on not playing this game. If Taemin wanted him to come crawling and begging, it would be a long time coming. He wasn't going to be here at Taemin's beck and call, to summon him when it suited Taemin; he wasn't going to put in the effort if Taemin wasn't going to match it. 

Jongin nods his head, making a silent promise to himself that this was it; if Taemin couldn't even make an effort to keep the fans from assuming things, then this was it on Jongin's part. He waves at the fans, smile on his face as he took in the ocean, the signs being waved for them. It's a beautiful sight and it warms his heart, the sight of so many Japanese fans out in full, filling Tokyo Dome with ease. This is what matters tonight; the sea of smiling faces, the screams and cheers - making memories is what matters.

Jongin tries to remind himself of that, of his earlier thoughts as he downs sake in his room, tears streaming down his face. The show had ended hours ago, and now alone, he can't stop the feelings from hitting him full force. The sake is making things worse, tugging on his insecurities and stretching them out, dragging them through his mind until all their seeds have planted in his brain. His insecurities scream at him, digging their claws into his skin and ripping away any semblance of a safety blanket he put up. 

He needs answers; he needs them now before his insecurities rip him to shreds. He needs to know what happened, what he did wrong. 

Jongin finds himself in the hallway, stumbling along, leaning against the wall as he forces his feet to step. He's not sure how he stood somewhat upright but he is, blearily staring at numbers of doors he comes across until he finds the right one. He hits his fist against it, probably too hard, too loud, but his arm is heavy and he doesn't care. He just wants answers, wants Taemin's arms around him, wants to just feel his hyung's presence. No answer comes after a few minutes and Jongin hits the doors again, slipping and almost ending up on the floor, but managing to find his balance against the wall at the last second. 

"Jesus, I'm coming! Give me a second."

Jongin giggles a little, covering his mouth. His sense of time is completely off, he forgot alcohol does that to the brain, warping everything.

The sound of the lock unlatching wipes the small smile off Jongin's face and he struggles to stand up straight. It opens, revealing Taemin in his sleep shirt and too loose pyjama bottoms and Jongin bites his lip.

It takes a moment for Taemin's eyes to land on Jongin, eyebrow raising immediately. "Jongin? Why are you- are you drunk?"

Jongin nods a little and then pitches forward, burying his face in Taemin's neck. His hyung stumbles but manages to steady them both, holding Jongin by the waist. "Why are you here, Jongin?"

"Missed you, just... just missed you."

Taemin sighs heavily but manoeuvres them inside his hotel room, shutting the door and depositing Jongin on the couch. Jongin can't stop the whine from his throat as Taemin lets go of him, disappearing. His body is too heavy to lift and look around the room, to search for him. Jongin wants to cry, to let his emotions finally flow but then Taemin kneels in front of him, frowning. 

"Drink this."

"No."

Taemin rolls his eyes, a flash of annoyance crossing his features. "It's sake."

Jongin jerks his arm out, taking the glass offered to him, sipping at it. He gags and shakes his head. "This is water."

"Exactly,  _ drink it _ ."

Taemin leaves no room for argument in his voice and Jongin pouts. He sips the water in silence, looking anywhere but Taemin's face.

"Jongin, why did you come here?"

"I..." Jongin looks up at Taemin's face, tight, looking like he's going to burst into tears at any moment. He looks away, swallowing. It should be him, the one on the verge of tears, not Taemin. "What did I do wrong?"

"What?"

Jongin surges forward, putting the glass down on the table; he's not sure how neither the glass table or cup don't smash from the force, but he's not going to complain.

"What the fuck did I do wrong?" Jongin forces himself to look Taemin in the eyes, tears welling in his eyes. "Just out of nowhere, you shove me out your life, lock me out, you won't tell me anything, you don't want anything to do with me. You don't come near me on joint stages, you act like I don't exist when you pass me in SM. You never text, you don't call, you just... What the fuck did I do for you to hate me so much? Just  _ tell _ me, let me make it right, please, don't just... don't just shove me out.  _ Talk _ to me, I'm begging you, Tae."

Taemin stands up, sharply, and steps away, hugging himself. He flinches a few times, eyes wandering around the room. "I don't hate you, you didn't do anything."

"Don't fucking bullshit me."

Taemin bites his lip and shakes his head. "I'm not bullshitting you. You haven't done anything."

"Then why the hell are you just acting like I don't exist?" Jongin drags through his memory, trying to find anything that he might have done. "Was it Sooman talking to me about that supergroup and not you? Was it me spending time with Minseok and Kyungsoo before they enlist? God, was it Jennie?"

Jongin catches how Taemin flinches at the mention of Jennie's name and stands forward. "What does Jennie have to do with anything?"

"Just leave it. Get some sleep, you're going to have a hangover in the mor-"

"-TELL ME."

Taemin flinches and steps back, looking like he's going to burst into tears. "Jongin."

"Just..." Jongin collapses back onto the sofa, holding his head in his hands. "Just tell me what the fuck I did."

Silence falls between them and Jongin rubs his fists into his eyes, not understanding why his heart aches. It's beating fit to burst, emotions running through him at a hundred miles an hour, adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"Why did you date her?"

Jongin looks up, barely hearing Taemin. 

He's hugging himself tightly, teeth buried in his bottom lip. Jongin's chest pangs as he realises that Taemin is trying not to cry, eyes scrunched just enough to prevent tears gathering on his lashes to slip down his cheeks. 

"Why did- why did I date Jennie? She's pretty, funny, smart, we clicked. We tried it out. What does that matter?"

Taemin looks away, shaking a little. Jongin wants to get up and wrap his arms around Taemin, wants to let his hyung cry into his shoulder because he's struggling and it's hurting him to see. 

"Because- It matters because-" Taemin breaks off, raising a hand to tug on his fringe, getting frustrated with himself. Jongin recognises it; Taemin struggling to process his emotions and say what he wants to.

"Just let it out."

"Because you lead me on for years. Because for goddamn years you've been acting like my goddamn partner, always there, can never sleep without me, can't... for god's sake, you even see me as a hyung more than your own group's hyungs sometimes. Drunken, sleepy kisses, always clinging to me, begging me to give you attention if I even answer Kibum-hyung's questions, all of it. For  _ fuck's sake,  _ you made me fall for you and then just wrenched away from me, had no time for me, it was all about Jennie, all you ever wanted to talk about was Jennie and I can't  _ do _ it. I can't just stand here, wanting you when you're never going to want me back, because it hurts, it fucking hurts, and I can't do that to myself. God, why are you even  _ here _ you weren't meant to come here tonight, I just wanted to sleep and go back to Korea and-"

Jongin cups Taemin's cheek, cutting him off. Taemin looks up at him, tears pouring down his face and he shakes his head. "No, no, I can't do this."

Taemin tries to step back but Jongin's arm anchors him against Jongin's chest. His other arm wraps around Taemin's slim frame as he shakes, gasping for air against Jongin's shoulder whilst hitting his chest with a fist. 

He understands now; the little things make sense now - the way he aches to hold Taemin all the time, the way his chest always feels airy when he smiles, the way he always craves to hold Taemin's hand.

Jongin isn't sure how he's standing or how he even ended up here, hugging Taemin so tight he might just shatter, but he refuses to let the alcohol coursing through his veins ruin this. 

"I don't hate you, you idiot, I love you and it hurts."

Jongin rocks them gently, knowing he'll probably regret it, but Taemin stops sniffling as much, arms wrapped tightly around Jongin's back. 

"I love you too."

"God, don't just say that; you're drunk, you don't know what you're-"

Jongin crushes his lips against Taemin's, feeling how he jumps before immediately kissing back. His hands press flat against Jongin's back before fisting in his shirt. Jongin holds it, leads the kiss, guides Taemin. 

"I'm drunk but I know what I'm saying." 

He murmurs it against Taemin's lips, pressing their foreheads together.

Fresh tears start flowing down Taemin's cheeks as he gasps for air. "Don't do this to me. Don't do this and then leave, and then just... I swear if you're fucking around-"

Jongin kisses him again, hushing his words. "I'm not fucking around."

Taemin stares at him, watery eyes wide as he shakes his head. "I don't understand."

"It.. clicked. Whenever I was with Jennie, I always just thought I needed to take you to places, the restaurants we visited and the quiet close spaces where you can just talk for hours in private. The way I always want to be around you, desperate for you to lather me with attention. The way I see you cry and my chest feels like it's tearing apart, the urge to hold you tight and comfort you." Jongin presses his cheek to the top of Taemin's head, rubbing his hand up and down his spine. "I'm not fucking around. I don't know what some of these feelings means because they're... a lot deeper than what I've felt before but I know they mean that I want you."

"Then what the hell has all of this been?"

"What been?"

"Constantly flirting and then just... disappearing with girls, I don't understand."

Jongin snickers a little and leans back a bit to look at Taemin. "Did I never tell you I was bisexual?"

"I'm going to punch you."

Jongin laughs, softly and leans in; Taemin closes the gap and presses their lips together. 

"You taste of sake."

"You taste of chocolate."

Taemin chuckles and shakes his head, stepping back. "We need to talk about this when you're sober."

Jongin nods but doesn't let Taemin move too far away. "Can I sleep in here?"

Taemin snorts but hesitates a moment, nodding as he sniffs. "Yeah, yeah, you can. I've missed you."

Jongin nods and leans down a little before Taemin arches away. "If you think for one second you're carrying me when you can barely stand, you can think again."

Jongin scrunches his nose and mocks Taemin as he follows behind him to the bed, getting a laugh from his hyung. Taemin pulls him down and Jongin lets himself be manoeuvred to lay on Taemin's chest, an arm around his waist. He cuddles as close as he dares.

"If you're sick on me, I'm going to lock you in the shower, naked, freezing."

Jongin shudders, knowing from experience that it's not a threat; it's a promise. He nods in acknowledgement and shuffles around to press his nose against Taemin's neck. 

"Get some sleep, Jonginnie."

"Mmkay, Minnie-hyung."

Jongin feels Taemin's fingers drift through his hair, letting his mind stumble towards the realm of sleep. 

"I love you, Nini."

"I love you, too, Taeminnie."


End file.
